You are on a forum full of people who understand exactly what you're going through. I especially get the part about it being nice outside and feeling sad because you can't enjoy it. I'm not sure what else to say since I don't have much information about you but all I can say is to keep your chin up and look into getting ETS or going on meds to help you deal with the blushing.
With Dr Port or Dr Gorenstein? Who is your insurance provider? I have excellus blue cross and blue shield and they told me ETS is covered. I am planning on an ETS redo this summer in NYC as well but not sure which surgeon to go to. I don't think it matters as they both seem highly skilled.
I tried this during my teenage years. I read and heard about people's perception permanently changing after taking lsd and mushrooms. I thought perhaps if I took them my brain chemistry would permananetly change and I could somehow become a new person and not have the blushing anymore. I enjoyed the trips, but the blushing did not go away at all.
If you call the hospital, they should provide you a copy of the surgeons dictation I believe free of charge. In his dictation, he should mention if he was able to identify a nerve of kuntz and if that was severed too. If it was not identified and was not cut and exists and is subsequently still intact, then perhaps it is still transmitting a nerve signal and you are still blushing. Most likely though, the surgeon searched for the nerve and cut it if it existed. You are probably experiencing phantom blushing which is just your brain thinking you are blushing when you are not. This should go away in a matter of days or a few weeks. Your side effects seem mild. Good for you! Please keep us updated on your progress and congratulations on taking the plunge.
You may want to go see a psychiatrist or psychologist. Living with blushing is an extremely stressful lifestyle. Think of the people who go fight in war or who live in a warzone, or EMS personnel who have to see very unpleasant things on a daily basis. These conditions cause some people to "break down" because of the stress. Blushing is no different. We blushers live in a constant state of anxiety and suspension. We constantly have to deal with the fact that we cannot control this problem and we are constantly reminded of how much it has ruined our lives. It is a very unpleasant thing to live with and it just doesn't end. At least with the war fighters or the people who live in a warzone, or the EMS personnel, they can escape the unpleasantness of it, or perhaps the unpleasantness is just a temporary ordeal. That's not true for us blushers. We CONSTANTLY have the stress exerting a toll on us and there is seemingly no escape. It is brutal. Olive, it sound like this condition has brought you to your breaking point. You have symptoms not unlike a PTSD patient would have. I think a psychiatrist could help you get back on your feet It is nothing to be ashamed of. We blushers have an extreme ordeal and it is no surprise that some of us have trouble dealing with it after some time. Your situation may have been aggravated by the fact that your life was actually going well for a while, and then suddenly came crashing down hard.
I am not sure why it only lasted 6 months. And yes, I was clamped and not cut. I have read speculations that the blushing returns either because: -The clamps loosen -The nerve re-grows -An accessory nerve (called the Kuntz Nerve) exists and bypasses the T2 ganglion and allows the sympathetic signal to be transmitted to the face.
Your situation is terrible...and very, very ugly. Make no mistake about it, you are absolutely involved with a horrible man. If I had children, I would never expose them to people like you two or the lifestyle you both live because it would permanently scar them to see that. From the outside looking in, that's how bad your situation since you obviously lack a realistic perspective. Based on my experience, people like you are prone to developing stockholm syndrome and subsequently will never leave your abuser, so I won't wast time trying to talk you into leaving him. As awful as he has been to you, if you were going to leave you would of done it by now. I hope you do so but I'm not holding my breath. My blushing has pushed me into very dark places in life. At one time I was getting involved with bad people and was doing drugs to escape the awful reality I was living in. My living situation at home was bad too and it only compounded the problem. I got arrested many times and my arrest record has barred me from serving as a pilot in the military which is something I wanted to do since childhood. I have grown out of that lifestyle though. I went to see a psychiatrist and he helped me get my self esteem back and I cut those bad people out of my life and I now respect myself very much. I've mastered the art of avoidance techniques so I am able to function at work, but sometimes barely. Outside of work, I do pretty well. I am able to date every now and then (from Tinder) and I keep myself occupied with my hobbies. I don't have any friends and I haven't talked to family much over the last 5 years, but I've somehow learned to be happy. The blushing has forced me to take on a very philosophical view of my life, one in which I have basically written this life off. I sometimes think about another life, perhaps an afterlife or maybe re-incarnation, and I just tell myself that this life wasn't for me and the next life will be better. But in case I am wrong and there is nothing after this life, I treat others well and try to just enjoy myself as best I can while I am alive.
I can state with 100% certainty that I would not have debilitating anxiety. I know this because I had a 6 month grace period after my ETS where I was blush-free and my anxiety problem disappeared literally overnight. I remember sitting in class in college and feeling absolutely no worries about having attention brought to me. It was amazing at first but the novelty of it actually quickly wore off and I just felt like a normal person pretty soon. I had some problems with low self-esteem that became my new focus, but as far as being a miserable nervous wreck around groups of people I was cured of that. Perhaps I would still have general anxiety from time to time about things like where my life is going, the future, etc., but I don't think it would consume my life and cripple my ability to be a functioning adult the way blushing related anxiety has done.